The Magical Perks of Not Giving a Sh*t & Other Spousal-Embarrassment Antics

This weekend’s antics are brought to you by Halloween
and all of the alluring Fall fun October has to offer.

I believe it is my goal in life to embarrass my husband and offspring in public as much as possible. It is a privileged passed down from my mother and an honor to be passed to MY children… some day.

My lovely little family is a beautifully mixed “yours mine and ours” situation, in which my husband has a son from his first marriage, I have a son from my first marriage, and we have a little boy together. I couldn’t ask for a better team. ALL BOYS.

Boy Mama Stickers | TeePublic

As anyone from a mixed families knows, the past doesn’t always co-mingle with the present all the time. My son from my first marriage and my husband don’t always see eye to eye. My boy is very sensitive and creative. He would rather study bugs, create a sculpture out of twigs, or stay inside and play video games or read than go hunting, fishing, or haul wood with my husband. They just don’t speak the same language.

However, one thing they can agree on is scaring people…well, mainly me… is fun. And if one can catch the other by surprise, that’s always a bonus.

Theme Month! July 2017: It was a dark and stormy night… – Movies Silently

AH DANGER!!

This weekend, my husband, our youngest and I went to find a Halloween costume at the Spirit Halloween store. While there, my husband found one of those plain white masks – kind of like the Mike Meyers mask without the hair – and decided to buy it to scare my son with.

So that’s how it’s gonna be huh…?

Well, I can’t just sit back and let my husband scare the living sh*t out of my boy.
Revenge will come on swift wings and make you rue the day you ever decided to pick on MY boy...

As soon as we got back in the truck to head to our next stop – Lowe’s, of course – I slipped the mask on and decided to just stare at people out the window to see if anyone noticed. Now, the only way I could see these reactions was with my glasses on, and those couldn’t fit under the mask, so I had to put it over the mask.

An interesting look for me.

I got a lot of pointed fingers, laughs, and some quick look-away’s (those were my favorite). I just kept on staring as Michael Jackson’s song “Somebody’s Watching Me” played over and over in my head.

The hubby was not a fan.

“Take that thing off,” he said in his southern twang, slapping the steering wheel. “You look like an idiot.”

This was the magical order I was waiting for. I turned and stared him down in the driver’s seat. He couldn’t help but laugh a little, but shook his head in disapproval.

I threatened to go into Lowe’s with it, but got a very angry “NO.”

So, it wasn’t until later, when I ran out to grab the truck and drive it up to the loading zone that I was able to take another jab. I slowly rolled up to the shopping cart where my husband, our 3 year-old son, and the Lowe’s attendant waited.

Our son immediately started clapping, laughing and waving at me.

The attendant smirked and walked to the back of the truck – I think he was avoiding my very intense eye contact.

“Take that crap off!” my husband barked, his blue eyes aflame with anger.

My loving partner…..was pissed.

I don’t know how he could think I would have passed up on this very embarrassing moment for him. I mean, you openly laugh and plot your scare-tactics on my boy, and even provide the props – this ain’t goin’ down without some humiliation on your end, dear.

Since then, I have greeted his buddy at the door with the mask on, and I have sent him texts with some lovely foreshadowing photos, as shown.

He knew what he was getting into when he married me folks, so don’t feel bad for the sweet southern man.

All bets were off the moment he made that Halloween mask purchase.

If anyone has some more ideas, I am open for suggestions {insert evil laugh}

We still have a couple more weeks until Halloween, there are plenty of veins in his head that haven’t popped yet, and plenty of “Em!”‘s that have yet to be sung.

Until then! Stay cheeky, my friends

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Published by Emily Gibson

The need to create is what motivates me, and the need to know more keeps me learning. With my research and persuasive writing skills, I can help your business expand and your sales increase. Take a look at my writing samples on my page and I can show you what I can do for you.

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